FOUR CLUES TO THE
GAME OF LOVE
Is this Relationship Healthy?
Did anyone ever tell you the rules of the Game of Love? I hope not, because there are no
rules. The good news is that there are some clues for finding and creating successful,
passionate and permanent partnerships.
CLUE # 1: HOW ARE YOU BEING TREATED WHEN YOU'RE DATING?
Even the very first date leaves many clues which many of us overlook in the blush of
enthusiasm about getting together. Was it easy or difficult to set up the first date? If
it was difficult to get a commitment or to find a free slot of time, chances are high the
person has commitment challenges, ambivalent feelings, or just too many pulls in
their life. Are promises broken in the first few weeks? Are you put down in front of
others? Do you find your date trying to control your behavior or yourc choices in life?
Alice shrugged off a little comment Tom made after they had been dating for just one
month. "You take too many vitamins," he said, "You'd never get me to
swallow all those pills." This seemingly small difference in health-styles later
turned into fights about restaurant choices. Soon Alice
began giving up her commitment to her own body's needs. Then she started missing her
exercise classes to be available for Tom's schedule. She gained thirty pounds in her eight
month relationship with Tom. Looking back she can see how significant that early comment
was.
CLUE # 2: IS THERE A MUTUAL RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER'S TIMING?
Physical intimacy should never be coerced. Does your partner respect the time it takes for
you to be ready for physical intimacy? How about frequency? Are you in sync with each
other's desires? If not, how do you handle these different desires? Here's where the Art
of Communication
comes in. If you can't talk about the differences in your love-styles, and find win-win
compromises, these problems will only accelerate. Often in relationships one person wants
more sex than the other. In a healthy relationship these issues are discussed and
solutiopns that acknowledge the needs of both people are found.
CLUE # 3: IS YOUR LOVER ALSO YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Being good friends, wanting to be with each other and share and do things together is a
symptom of a healthy, long-term relationship. Good friendships are built over time, but
you can deepen the friendship by creating more intimacy. To create more intimacy you need
to share more of yourself, your true feelings. Take a risk with your partner and tell him
or her something that is deep inside your heart. The more you both share, the stronger the
bonds of togetherness are woven.
CLUE # 4: DO YOU FEEL ENERGIZED OR DEPLETED WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER?
This is such a fundamental issue that we often overlook it. Does your partner enhance your
sense of well-being? Do you feel better, happier, about yourself? Or do you feel drained?
Less good about yourself? That is a symptom of a toxic relationship. Tony described his
relationship with Julieta; "In the beginning I felt like I was on cloud nine. I
couldn't believe such a gorgeous girl would be interested in me. But after a few months, I
felt like nothing I did was right. She was always criticizing little things, like what I
wore, the kind of car I drove, the restaurants I chose. I
began to feel beaten up after every date."With her constant critical comments, his
self-esteem nosedived and finally out of his last remnant of self-respect, he broke it
off.
Healthy relationships bring out the best in us. If you're looking for long-lasting love,
follow some of these proven clues for long-term happiness. Good luck! Remember, you really
do deserve to have happiness and lasting love.
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Excerpted (with authors permission) from:
"Loving Solutions" To order your autographed copy of "Loving Solutions" please send a check for $12 (USA) to: Love Life Radio 3831 Monterey Drive Penthouse `A' Honolulu, Hawaii 96816-3919 USA |
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