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| Submitted By WildxAngel | |
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| Submitted By Timmy4 | |
THE most accurate and complete set of Q&A about men
(Submitted by Ahh)
Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to
your PMS thing, we men sufferfrom testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average
lifespan of amale is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the
bitchingand nagging we have to endure.) Hormone modifies behavior. We're
justmisunderstood.
Why
do men always have to ogle other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just
fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides,women do it as well. Women are just
much better at not getting caught. I'mfairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory
deal. Women take onequick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack
thisability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
Why do men always touch themselves, especially in
public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It'smuch like
adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
Why
are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it youget into trouble
with your partner.
Why
can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men andwomen are
different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we haveno idea how we feel?
Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion likerage, hatred, disgust, or a brick
dropping on our foot, we have no idea howwe feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I
try tofigure out how I feel.
Why
can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?
Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you asmuch as we can,
but who the heck (besides women) can stand lying around forhours on end? We men... Men
hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave...Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our
butts for hours on end on theother hand, is a totally different story.
How
can men sit on their butts all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution thatenable us to sit
for extended periods of time without getting tired. Inprehistoric times, it was often
necessary to sit in one spot for extendedperiods of time while hunting for prey. The more
successful hunters wereable to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby
passing onthis ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were all gobbled up bysaber
toothed tigers etcetera. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this
innate ability.
Why
can't men just say "I love you?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say thatwe love you is
equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men considerthat a character fault. It's not
easy to admit to one's own character faults.
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Why
do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire wayto get into
your bed. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
What
does it mean when men say "I Love You?"
Please sleep with me.
I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening
What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
Stop nagging me.
What do I have to do to get a beer around
here?
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Why
won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll
pick it up eventually.
What's
with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're
comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides,
holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
Why
do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and
bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention
of kill- er... buying?
Why
can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up.
Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time
spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer
the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we
care if we pee all it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn
thing. We aim to please.
Why
do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier
to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't walk
around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard
time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones they
don't get). What more could we ask for?
Why
do men act like they own the remote control?
What do you mean "act"? We do - possession is nine tenths of the law. Besides,
it is an awesome responsibility, not to be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only
fair way to decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.
Why
do men fear commitment?
Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means and can spell it
correctly. It's like an automobile. No matter how good you think this year's model is,
they're always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We
simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit
and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a
slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to
lease and upgrade to the young-er... I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of
the newer ones come with fun extras like dual air bags.
What
does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically repulsive enough that
no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate protection.
Why
do men generally have greater upper body strength?
Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment.
Why
do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial coordinate motor coordination?
It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice...
Why
are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women,
there would be just as much griping about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No
matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don't see
anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.
Why
do men like younger women?
Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're easily impressed.
They're also perky, energetic, and come with very little baggage. And gravity has less
prevail over their bodies.
Why
do men only have one thing on their minds?
While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to
entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of other things besides sex, such as
sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often.
How
can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in that fat
pig)?
Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you are ours, other
women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a
bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent
bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should love us despite our inherent
weakness.
Why
are men such dogs?
I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate..
playful....obedient...blahblahblah...
How to satisfy that man or women in your life
(submitted by Darkeyess)
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME
Lick, paw, ogle, caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage,empathize,serenade, compliment, support, floralize, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor,placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, bark, purr, hug, baste,marinate, coddle, excite, pacify, tattoo, protect, phone, correspond,anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice, ply,accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, crawl,tunnel, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore,shower, shave, trust, dip, twirl, dive, grovel, never ignore, defend,coax,clothe, straddle, melt, brag, acquiesce, aromate, prevail, supercollide,rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, spoil,reddi-whip, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug,mosh,beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, hold her hair while she's pukingin the toilet, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect,entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, do a nickel in Attica for,dream of, promise, exceed, deliver, tease, flirt, enlist, torch, pine,wheedle, cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, alleviate, serve,rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her to Funkytown,e, flip, flop, fly,don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze,moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in thefree world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow,dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship,and then go back, Jack, and do it again. |
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME
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This page added to my match.chat website on June 14, 1997.
Last update....07/14/03 03:25 PM California Time.